My Secret Finally Came Out of the Closet

Do you have a mother like this one?

 My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to  kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

 My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the  carpet."

 My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't straighten up, I'm  going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

 My mother taught me LOGIC - "Because I said so, that's why."

 My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in  case you're in an accident."

 My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll give you something  to cry about."

 My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and  eat your supper!"

 My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you look at the dirt on  the back of your neck!"

 My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that  spinach is finished."

 My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept  through your room."

 My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I  saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you  a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"

 My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world,  and I can take you out."

 My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your  father!"

 My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate  children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Yep, that's me!!!!  ~Char